Qualities Of A Good Listener

Do you listen to others? Or, do you just keep talking, and others listen?

Do you know that listening is a quality that not everyone possesses? 

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.

-Ernest Hemingway

This is so apt in the present scenario. Today how many of us listen to others with full attention? We often find people looking at their cell phones in the middle of a conversation. It looks so offensive and rude but it happens. Many people just listen as they must listen and not the intention to listen. This is not considered a quality of a good listener. Such listeners are referred to as distracted listeners. If you are a good listener, you should be attentive.

Good listening is rare these days but utmost necessity in a conversation and today’s world. Malcolm Forbes once said, “The art of conversation lies in listening.” So true. Listening is an important part of communication. We need to listen to others. Once you start to listen to someone, that person becomes more friendly towards you. There is a bond of trust between two people. So, start to listen and not talk. 

It’s not that hard to find out whether a person is listening to you properly or not. The body language of a person can tell you all. Let’s know the qualities of a good listener and how we can become a good listener. 

Qualities of a Good Listener

If speaking is silver, then listening is gold.

-Turkish Proverb

How do I know, whether I am a good listener or not? Let us find out the qualities of a good listener. 

1. A good listener is an active listener. This means that a good listener is attentive, and fully present during a conversation. 
2. A good listener is a careful listener. This means that a good listener listens to you with full concentration.
3. A good listener does not get distracted. This means that a good listener does not check his/her phone, messages, or emails or does not look here and there. 
4. A good listener cares about you and does not judge you at all. He/she tries to understand the perspective of another person. He/she listens and respects the other person’s views and opinions. A good listener is never judgemental. 
5. A good listener makes a comfortable environment for the speaker by his/her positive attitude.
6. A good listener never interrupts in between and knows when to speak and when not. 
7. A good listener gives suggestions only when asked for. He/she does not bombard the speaker with questions.
8. A good listener does not just hear the conversation but makes the speaker believe that he/she is listening carefully.
9. A good listener never criticizes and shows respect to the other person. 
10. A good listener remembers the conversation. 
11. A good listener understands the confidentiality of the conversation and never discloses secrets to others. 
12. A good listener believes in the other person and is ready to hear the other person’s perspective. 
13. A good listener has a positive attitude toward solving a problem by listening carefully and attentively. 

Many problems in this world can be solved if people start listening to others. We see so many motivational speakers from all parts of the world but how many good listeners do we have? 

How to Become a Good Listener?

Now that we know the qualities of a good listener, it is easier for us to understand how to become a good listener. Let us know how can we become a good listener if we aren’t one. It is not that hard to become a good listener or a better one if you are already good at it. Here are a few tips to improve our listening skills. 

1. Clear your mind and thoughts before starting to listen.
2. Silent your cell phone or rather switch off your cell phone before starting to listen if conversing in person.
3. Do not assume to start a conversation.
4. Be attentive.
5. Be sure not to interrupt the conversation until asked for.
6. Use verbal sounds like hmmmm or mmmm when conversing on the phone and show positive body language signs when in person.

Listen to your kids. 

I often observe that when I am working on my laptop or busy in the kitchen, I try to avoid what my kids are telling me. I feel that this is not a good parenting. Parents should listen to their children in all and under any circumstances because we do not know what is in their minds then. Listening carefully to our child helps us to know that child better. Just listening to children can be an act of care and respect for them. 

I try to keep my work aside when my son speaks to me so that he does not feel neglected. This I learned recently as one day my elder son complained to me that I am always busy with my work and do not listen to him. So, I am working on it and trying to improve this habit. If a child feels neglected more often, he/she might not come forward to share his/her feelings in the future, and this is not good for the overall development of the child.

Our children need to know that we are here for them and would listen to all their talks be it useless or useful. This will help in building trust between the child and the parent. Next time, when your child comes to you to talk, leave all things aside, look towards him/her, make eye contact, and listen attentively with a loving gesture. 

Listen to your partner. 

Some marriages are not that strong because the spouses do not listen to each other. Listening to others is a key to any successful relationship. We need to listen to our partner if we want a healthy and long-term relationship. Listening properly can sort out many day-to-day problems between couples. Positive body language and a caring attitude during listening help to show how much you care about that person. 

Listen to your parents. 

Now that our parents are getting old, it does not mean that we do not need to listen to them. Elderly people need more attention and care than children do. We must take some time out of our busy schedule and talk to our parents. If you live with your parents, sit with them every day for at least an hour, start a conversation, know their views, and start working on it. If you stay away from your parents, call them every day, know about what is happening in their lives, what are their needs, what is going in their minds, etc. This small gesture will fill their heart with more love and respect for you. Trust me, your parents are and will always be your true well-wishers for life.

Listen to your friends. 

In person or on the phone, talk to your friends, and listen to them. You do not know who needed a conversation so badly. If we are depressed or stressed we look for someone who can listen to us without judging us. Friends come to the rescue at this time. Call your friend who listens to you. If your friend calls you, talk to him/her, listen carefully, and give some suggestions if needed. 

What are the Rewards of a Good Listening?

Do you know that good listening can be rewarding too? Yes, it is. 

Good listening is not just about hearing, it is way bigger than that. Good listening is rewarding too. How do you feel when someone listens to you properly? Don’t you like talking to that person again? Don’t you feel like sharing your thoughts again? Yes, we do. Good listening develops trust and a good relationship between two people.

Conclusion:

So, what is the take-home message from this post? Here’s the nutshell. Once we stop judging the other person during a conversation, we build a caring, and trustworthy relationship with that person. The person feels respected and opens up more and shares his/her heart. This helps to show love, respect, and care to not only your loved ones but also many other people in need. 

Do not just hear but listen.

Do not just listen but understand.

Be a better version of yourself, be a good listener

– PenOfHearts

Thank you for your attentive reading.